Today's Birthday (10/08/09)
It's your birthday today. Happy birthday! A birthday poem for you: Roses are red, violets are blue, I would avoid the zoo if I were you. Call it a hunch but I hear the lions are hungry and you look a little like lunch my friend.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Life ain't all sunshine and rainbows for you, especially when you live in Ohio. But forget about that today because you are going to be called to travel to Africa later today.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Hey, pull your birthday suit out of the closet today, dust it off and wear it with a smile. It's your day and you can do no wrong.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
I want to let you in on a little secret–from the time you are born, you start dying. Sad but true. So today you should say something nice to a stranger...or a cat. Or a goat.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
You've been hitting the gym hard and it shows. Today, confront your childhood bully. Try to talk it out. If that doesn't work, bench press him.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Step into my office Leo, we need to chat. You've been picking on Virgo lately, and that's not cool. Something bad is coming your way. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Winter is quickly approaching, and it is getting cold. I would suggest giving your coat to someone in need. But then won't you be in need? Hmm.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Remember last week when you told that person how you really felt about them? Well, it didn't go over well. But don't worry, you were just being honest.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Your luck is about to change. There is going to be a bad accident involving you, a deer and a locomotive. You will walk away unharmed. The deer...
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
I would love to tell you that you are going to have a bad day, but you're not going to. Chances are you won't fall off the Earth today, and that's a good day if you ask me.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
If the earth stops turning right now, everything will fly around at 1,000 mph. Good news is your Ford Taurus will finally win a street race.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You've been real bad lately, and although that's cool in a biker gang, you aren't in a biker gang. Coal for you this Christmas. Should have thought ahead. Sorry.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Ready, set, stop. Did you remember to wash your hands today? H1N1 is no laughing matter and I see it in your future.
